“We cannot live only for ourselves. A thousand fibers connect us with our fellow men; and among those fibers, as sympathetic threads, our actions run as causes, and they come back to us as effects.”

~ Herman Melville

The Power of Connection

Connection is something that all of us as human beings need, desire and strive to attain. True connection generates incredible energy for good. Connection is necessary and required for our spiritual and emotional development.

Resources for Connection


 

Co-Dependency & Creating Connection

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How to Take Healthy Risks in Relationships

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11 Steps to Healthy Risks in Relationships: 1. Articulate (name) the experience, situation or event. 2. Acknowledge where the risk is in the situation, experience or event. 3. Recognize the different possibilities of what may happen. Prepare for the various possible outcomes. 4. Be willing to accept any and all outcomes as a result of risking with the person or situation. 5. Be aware of your expectations and don’t expect that any of your expectations will be met. Unconscious, unmet expectations turn into resentments. 6. Risk with the person or entity and let go of (surrender) outcomes. You will receive validation, support and connection from those who know how to give it. Do not go into co-dependency, control or gossip about the person, situation, experience or event (see the “Co-Dependency” videos and workbook for more information). 7. Accept responsibility for your choice to risk. Do not attempt to manipulate or control the outcomes. 8. If your need was not met, give the person another opportunity to meet the need. Share with the person with whom you risked, what need or expectation was not met, and see if they can or are able, emotionally, physically, financially, etc. to meet it. If the need is reasonable (that is a judgment call according to you) and they can’t or won’t meet the expectation, accept their decision and don’t become angry or upset with them. 9. If the need is not being acknowledged or met, don’t change your boundaries around the need—stay in your truth, articulate the need again, set boundaries around what is in your best interests, and follow through with (hold/keep) your boundaries if the other person is unwilling to address your need. (See the “Boundaries” videos and workbook for more information.) 10. Let go (surrender) whatever did not go your way. 11. Move on / move forward, maintaining your boundaries.

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Choose To Connect!

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Connection, Love & Sexuality

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Connection is necessary and required for our spiritual and emotional development. When we are connected, we are spiritually and emotionally conscious. We recognize what is happening around us—not only physically, but also spiritually and emotionally. We are willing to experience all of our emotions, whether or not we enjoy them. We feel deep com- passion for self and others, because we empathize and emotionally understand self and others. We follow our own spiritual guidance and make powerful choices. We are “comfortable in our own skin” because we are living a life of character, honesty and humility.

We must first connect with self—if we are not connected within ourselves, our “connections” with others will be distorted and full of shame, fear, anger, entitlement, etc.

Desire to Connect

Our beings (body and Soul) always desire to connect with self, our environments and with other people.

Being truly connected with myself creates internal feelings of safety, emotional honesty, personal responsibility, compassion, validation, stability and trust towards my- self and with God or my Higher Power. When I am in a relationship, I want to form connection with the other person so we can experience mutual understanding, empathy, steadiness, peace, honesty, safety, trust and joy with one another. The ability to connect is vitally important in all of our mortal experiences; therefore, I need to understand what true and real connection looks and feels like, and what its counterfeits (disconnection) look and feel like, as to not be tricked or deceived as I engage in intimate (emotional, sexual, physical, financial, spiritual, social, etc.) relationships with others.

True connection embodies impeccable emotional honesty, rigorous personal responsibility and humility. Connection is what we are really seeking when we fall into fear, addictions, codependency/care-taking or other destructive behaviors.

The Power of Connection, Attraction & Healthy Sexuality

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Lust in our Modern World

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Disconnection

What it is

Disconnection is the opposite of connection. Disconnection means we react out of fear and shame rather than respond with faith and integrity. Disconnection means we are not comfortable or confident within ourselves, which drives us to pull away from God, mistreat self and others, and violate our core spiritual moral code or constitution. When we are disconnected, we cannot empathize or have consistent com- passion for others. Instead, we remain emotionally and spiritually “needy” and do not take responsibility for self. Disconnection is a state of emotional and spiritual numbness. We do not see with spiritual eyes what is happening around us. We can- not recognize (or do not care about) the emotional pain, upset or trauma occurring in others’ lives. We also fail to perceive many physical, tangible or obvious events happening in our environments. Disconnection means unplugging the soul from the body and living in a state of ignorance and emotional pain—and constantly seeking to medicate that pain with substances, activities, other people, etc.

How it happens

Disconnection is the core spiritual and emotional problem which drives nearly all of our human weaknesses and distresses, including depression, hopelessness, ad- diction, pride, shame, anger issues, obsessive/compulsive behaviors and so forth. Until disconnection is addressed, none of these other issues can be permanently solved—they will ALWAYS come back until the person learns and chooses to live a life of humility, honesty and responsibility, to reconnect to self, others and God or a Higher Power.

In our modern world, there are many sources of patterns of lust and disconnection. These sources and patterns encourage us to use fantasy, neurochemical “hits” and physiological reactions to replace our connection to Reality. Pornography, drugs, food, television, movies, Internet, social media, cell phones, apps, video games, chat- ting, texting, fashion, shopping, exercising, relationships, work, religion/piety, etc. can all be used addictively, to mask the pain of our spiritual and emotional disconnection. We can quite literally use anything or anyone in the world addictively. When dopamine, oxytocin & endorphins are released in our brains, we feelconnected. If the “connection” is actually based in fantasy, chemicals or lust, it will disintegrate as the neurochemicals wear off. When we are disconnected, we have the propensity to search all over to find “connection,” which will perpetually elude us. Disconnection sets us up to approach relationships from a position of fear, lust and co-dependency.

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