Co-dependency includes many different outward behaviors, but at its core, it is unhealthy attachment to people and/or things. This lecture will assist you to become attuned to co-dependency in your own relationships, with the goal of helping you to root it out. By analyzing this topic, you’ll be able to more quickly and accurately assess the reasons behind your choices. This powerful concept will also be helpful to those with loved ones who have addictions or other destructive behavioral patterns.
This section includes:
- 8 “Sessions” (32 pages):
- Introduction: What is Co-Dependency?
- Co-Dependency is Selfish
- Faulty Connections
- Co-Dependent Relationships
- The Truth about Co-Dependency’s Lie
- Healthy Dependency
- Dependency Mismatch
- Healing in the Truth
- 16 homework activities (52 pages)
- Supplemental diagrams (8 pages)
- Total (this section): 92 pages
This section discusses the following topics:
- What is co-dependency? Why do we use it? How does it affect us?
- Co-dependency is a selfish / self-serving behavior. It is created by not feeling that our needs are being met. It becomes present & gets acted out when we are in relationships with addicts. Co-dependency drives addictions forward.
- We use our co-dependency to connect with our outside world & with others. Connecting with the world through the lens of co-dependency is unhealthy and not helpful.
- How co-dependency acts out in relationships. It creates chaos and disconnection in relationships. This might be hard to detect, but it’s true.
- Why / how co-dependent people are hurtful to themselves and others.
- Learning how to heal co-dependent relationships.
- What does a healthy relationship look like? How do we create healthy relationships?
- Why both people in a relationship must heal, if co-dependency is present.
Care-Taking vs. Care-Giving
Being willing and prepared to give care (rather than to take care) is not an easy task. Giving care, instead of taking care (care-taking), is contingent on our ability to emotionally and spiritually fill ourselves. It takes real emotional work, and it involves our whole emotional, spiritual, and physical being. One of the fruits of the effort, however, is the ability to genuinely connect, give care, and forge deep, loving, lasting bonds with others. Deep relationships are what many of us want; learning the skills to create them for ourselves and others is worth every effort.
However, every one of us has limitations, blind spots, weaknesses, etc. We all need help from one another. We all want and need loving relationships. The way we behave and relate with others can come from only one of two places: truth or shame. When we operate from a place of shame, we care-take our relationships. This dynamic of care-taking is not healthy, and it supports dependent and enabling dynamics between ourselves and others. In this course, care-taking is used to mean a selfish, self-centered, controlling version of love. When we have shame that we are unconscious of, we become “tied up” emotionally and are only able to think of ourselves. Our love becomes conditional, controlling, and therefore care-taking, in our attempt to assuage our own emotional needs.
When we care for our own spiritual and emotional needs first, we make ourselves available to connect to others. We will feel “filled,” and won’t “love” with an agenda of trying to “get filled” from the other person. Only when we learn to give to ourselves first, and care for our own needs, is it possible to be genuinely loving to others and sincerely be connected through unconditional love.
This section includes:
- 6 “Sessions” (20 pages):
- Definition of Care-Taking
- Care-Taking: Sample Scenarios
- Care-Taking: A Detailed Explanation
- Care-Giving: A Detailed Explanation
- Enabling: Some Examples
- 18 homework activities (48 pages)
- Supplemental diagrams (6 pages)
- Total (this section): 74 pages
In this section, you’ll learn:
- The difference between “care-taking” and “care-giving”
- What care-taking is and why we use it
- Why care-taking is so popular
- Why care-taking is selfish
- What care-giving is and why it is important
- How expectations, agendas, and motives affect our care-giving and care-taking
- How to give care
- How shame affects our ability to give care
- How to notice / recognize the deceptive motives of care-taking in your own life and interactions
- How to transform care-taking relationships into deep, care-giving, loving relationships.
- What enabling is, and how it can be used very positively or very negatively
- How we enable others to grow
- How we can enable others into disempowered positions
- How enabling relates to care-giving, and how to utilize enabling to build self and others
- How care-giving and positive enabling deepen trust & love, strengthen relationships, and empower people