Perfectionism is an outcome of shame messages (FCB’s) that tell me things such as:

  • You are not as good as others
  • You are the only one who has made this mistake
  • You can’t do it right
  • You need to prove that you’re “enough” by getting this right
  • When you do ____, then you’ll be enough / happy / fulfilled.
  • If you can’t do it perfectly, it’s not worth trying or doing.
  • Mistakes are bad.

When I believe faulty messages (lies) such as these, I begin to experience a great deal of fear, and I attempt to control my shame-based fears by simply “being perfect” or “doing it perfect”—something that is not possible. Perfectionism is a destructive trap because I CANNOT be perfect. When I engage in perfectionism, I am attempting to do the impossible, and then buying into the belief that “I’m not enough” when I fail to be perfect. It is a trap!

Denial Strategies Include:

Other Related Topics:

Boundaries, Empathy, Honesty, Humility, Responsibility, Validation, Vulnerability

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